What to Expect After Getting Your Covid-19 Vaccine

In Ohio, vaccinated people can enter a lottery for 5 chances to win a million dollars five different times..

The vaccine rate went up 53%.

I’m all for this.

The more vaccines we get in arms, the safer we’ll be.

We can take care of each other by getting the vaccination. I am astounded by how many people just don’t seem to be real interested in keeping the other humans safe.

I thought, you know, if people are willing to get a shot on an outside chance they will win a million dollars, then what if there were other benefits? I mean, they don’t have to be real…just incentive to push people into participating in procedures that save lives.

I’m sure the CDC has to follow certain rules.

Like, you can’t make outlandish promises that have nothing to do with science, but hell, most anti-vaxxers already eschew science.

I think if the CDC published this list, we’d be on our way to finding our normal again. Whatever that ends up being.

WHAT TO EXPECT AFTER GETTING YOUR COVID-19 VACCINE:

  • Fully vaccinated people can stay up past their bedtimes and can eat ice cream for dinner.
  • Fully vaccinated people hit 75% less red lights on their commute to and from work.
  • Fully vaccinated people’s shoe strings never come untied. Unless they want them to and then the shoelaces release their knots with ease.
  • Fully vaccinated people always know what they’re making for dinner.
  • Regardless of size, fully vaccinated people can try on bathing suits without crying.
  • In every confrontation, fully vaccinated people will always be able to quickly deliver a devastating comeback.
  • Fully vaccinated people never lose the backs off their earrings.
  • If voting for Pedro will make your wildest dreams come true, then getting your vaccine will do the same and your toilets will never need cleaning.
  • The vaccine cures erectile dysfunction.
  • The vaccine will stroke your hair and help you fall asleep at night.
  • The vaccine will pose as you for all future performance reviews at work.
  • The vaccine cleans litter boxes.
  • The vaccine will bring you coffee and butter your toast.
  • Fully vaccinated people will be able to teleport as early as 2023.
  • Fully vaccinated people will develop a sense of goodwill about themselves because they know that not only are they keeping themselves safe, but they are keeping others safe as well.

I hope you are all safe and well.

Randy and I went away last weekend and spent time with our mountain friends for the first time in over a year. We were able to do that because we’re all fully vaccinated and we’re all still practicing safe habits.

Wear a mask.

Get your shot.

 

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26 comments

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  • I’m down with teleportation as well.

    But what about stick instead of carrot?
    – Unvaccinated people pay higher tolls and ATM fees
    – Unvaccinated people always feel like people are laughing at them
    – Unvaccinated people must drive in the slow lane…

    …and other mean things. (Sorry anti-vaxxers, but.)

  • Did you have to list cleaning kitty litter BEFORE bringing you coffee and buttered toast? Now I’m worried if they’ve washed their hands first!
    Glad to see you’re able to visit Mountain Girl – how did they do during that isolation period – and how was going back to work? And what the heck has happened to Dude? America wants to know!

  • My partner and I are happily fully vaccinated, my daughter and her husband are happily fully vaccinated and my oldest grandchild has happily had her first! The pandemic began just as I was planning my annual spring trip to visit them, having not seen them the since summer before. Soon we will meet again, for the first time in 2 years! Two years is a long time in a child’s life. And in a grandmother’s. This is why we get the vaccine, people – so we can all be human again. Great post, Michelle. Thank you.

  • Hahaha! Thank you for the laugh. My husband looked at me like I was a little off! What I can’t understand are the people who got the first dose and aren’t going back for the second one. What the hell. I’d rather feel like shit for a couple weeks than in the hospital on a ventilator for months! Here’s to a little more freedom this summer! I’m glad you got to hang out in the mountains with your friends.

  • Some dating sites are including vaccination status in profiles, so “get vaccinated and you might get laid” is now a real thing.
    One thing I noticed after the J&J fully kicked in is how I react to unmasked people in the grocery store.
    I was wondering how much of my reaction was outrage at them endangering their fellow shoppers and the staff who risk their lives so they can buy Pepsi and Cheez-Its and how much was, you know, mortal terror.
    Well, I find my reaction hasn’t changed much, so I guess it is really more of the former than the latter.
    I’m glad you finally got to visit your friends, and I hope they have been weathering the goddamn apocalypse like it wasn’t nothing, as they say back in Oakland.

  • Since one of the potential effects of COVID-19 is erectile dysfunction I’m guessing your claim that the vaccine cures it is a real promise you just stuck in there to see if people were paying attention. And it’s just fun to say to any guy who doesn’t want the vaccine, “So, you’re okay with a limp dick for the rest of your life?”
    For most guys I think just avoiding that would be worth more than a million dollars.

  • Too funny! I recently had my first shot and am treating myself with an ice cream sundae for getting it.

    I can’t wait for all of the other benefits. LOL!

  • We just came back from camping. Do you have a hard time letting go of the mask? Notice flu season never happened? I feel like we should just wear masks during flu season. If we knew wearing a mask would prevent getting the flu why haven’t we always done that? It seems so simple. Anyway, we are fully vaccinated too but I have no idea what the new normal will look like. Everything is still so cattywampus.

By Michelle

Michelle

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