I am currently pouting my ass off and feel like an asshole for it.
Considering the profound devastation in the Bahamas and the heartbreaking damage on the East coast, it seems silly to be upset that Dorian ruined our vacation.
Right now, as you read this, we should be on the beach with our mountain friends in Carolina Beach, NC.
But we’re not because of the stupid hurricane.
I still took today off work because I needed a pouting day.
I also made a donation to help the Bahamas. I couldn’t think of a better way to make up for being pouty.
Since I am here and not there, I will use this time to tell you about what happened the other night.
Not gonna lie, it’s been a while since I’ve been this curious.
I sat on the front porch because it was cool outside and it’s been a long time since I could comfortably sit on the metal chairs on our front porch.
I heard noise coming from the house next door.
My neighbor and his adult son were standing near the front porch with a shop vac. They had a long rigid tube attached, then another shorter tube to extend it and they were suctioning something from the ground by the tree in their front yard.
What the fuck are they doing?
Seriously, what are they getting?
Is it a cobra? What the fuck else are they going to suck up a tube? I mean, it’s not a bear or a honey badger. Probably.
Must be a cobra.
Or a demon. It could definitely be a demon.
A few times they jumped back and once I heard the neighbor say “Look at that motherfucker.”
One of the grandkids came outside and he yelled “Get baby girl back inside. Now!“
What the hell, man. What are they doing? Is it worse than a cobra?
Anyway, the daughter-in-law showed up and was in the driveway right next to them holding two boxes of pizza.
They couldn’t hear her because their backs were to her and the shop vac was right next to them. I was a good 10 yards away and I could hear her fine because no shop vac.
She stood there and said “Hey, y’all want some pizza?” about 20 times.
Dear god, tap them on the shoulder or something, they can’t hear you. Also, what the fuck are they doing?
Honestly, the whole “pizza” thing just added to the weirdness. And I kind of wanted some pizza.
My neighbor finally looked up in my direction. So after watching for about 20 minutes, I finally got to ask. “What are you doing?”
It was a hornet’s nest.
They were using a shop vac on a hornet’s nest.
My neighbor said hornets were attacking him whenever he mowed his lawn. He tried a bug bomb which didn’t work. So he used a shop vac.
Neighbor: There are about a thousand of them in there.
Me: That container is like the ghost container in Ghostbusters. Don’t open it.
I decided to go inside because I wasn’t that far from angry hornets who were being sucked up. My luck hasn’t been that great. I didn’t want to push it.
Here’s to the Bahamas and the East coast recovering.
Here’s to a good week, even if I’m going to be in a cubicle instead of laying on a North Carolina beach.
Here’s to not getting attacked by a cloud of angry hornets.
Also, if anyone ever asks if you’re a god? How do you answer?
Oh, and this picture? These sunflowers are growing at the back of our deck. This is their last gasp.