That question gets a bad rap.
What an interesting question that would be. Who do you think you are? What kind of answers would we get if the question wasn’t designed to invoke shame?
I’m writing this because that question rattles around in my head. The question lives there. Maybe not active, but at least tapping her foot and saying ‘put me in coach’.
I think the question lives between ‘You think the world owes you something’ and ‘what is wrong with you’? The holy trinity of questions that never fails to induce shame and self loathing.
‘Who do you think you are?’ got to come out and play yesterday.
I got an email from someone who found me through Rubber Shoes. They politely asked me to promote a twitter contest for their product. The product seems like a nice one, but doesn’t belong here. I would think a DIY or gardening site would work better.
I agonized over this.
I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
I didn’t want to send an email back telling them that I couldn’t help them promote their contest because the contest would be out of place here. Every time I started the email, I would hear the question.
Who do you think you are?
I’m so important that I think anyone would notice if I promoted a product, that while conceivably made of rubber, would stick out like a sore thumb here?
Someone took the time to contact me and even offered to send me some of their product and I have this delusional idea that my blog is too good for their protective gear?
Who do you think you are?
I don’t know. Maybe I can answer that question. Who do I think I am?
I am loyal and impatient. I am kind and sometimes petty. I care what other people think of me even though I am trying hard to let that go. I’m a good friend and a good listener. I’m not high maintenance, no matter what Randy says.
I am awkward and don’t always think things through before speaking. I withdraw when I’m sad, scared, or angry. I dislike when I find a person doesn’t like me, but part of me always feels like the feeling is deserved.
I need a lot of down time or my anxiety gets unruly and difficult to live with. I mostly like small groups. I nearly always behave like an extrovert when I’m in larger groups. Except for when I don’t and try to hide behind a plant or something.
I get stressed out when I have nothing to stress over. I have a long and arduous process to go through before I can relax.
I’ve accepted that I’m not ‘normal’. Although, I do believe it’s impossible to be normal. If someone actually attained perfect normal status, that would make them extremely weird.
I’m not much of a team player. I’m not difficult to work with, I just prefer to not work in a group.
I am a writer.
There. I said it. I am a writer.
That is who I think I am.
Who do you think you are?
Ironically, you could have plugged the product at the end of this post and it would have fit perfectly.
I am not normal. You are not normal. I don’t know anyone I would actually consider normal – if I did, I would probably run the other way because that would be really scary! I am kinda starting to wonder if maybe we are the new normal. Which might be even scarier . . .
But to answer your question, I think I am a work in progress and I am not quite sure what the finished product will be. I have torn myself apart and put myself back together a couple of times and the new me is always better than the old me but this time it is a slower process, like painting one small part each day. Will I ever become a masterpiece? I doubt it. The world has enough masterpieces anyway. I would rather to be a bizarre sculpture on the corner that makes people scratch their heads in consternation and wonder about the mind that created it. Or maybe smile and nod and say “That’s right”. That would be good too.
I LOVE this!
Me too!
🙂
Excellent way to cut it down. I always feel I am a work in progress also with steps sometimes taken backwards instead of forwards. And you know what….that’s OK. Because each step forward or backward I learn something from. I may not always like what I learn, but I learn.
Besides your right Linda, who the hell wants to be a masterpiece. They are usually known the world over and then forgotten about just a quickly. But the bizarre sculpture on the corner people will look upon and wonder about for awhile.
It is all about learning, isn’t it?
I am constantly changing with each day, situation, and new experience. I can only answer who I am at that moment. And currently I am a commenter on your blog. I like your perspective and don’t ever be afraid not to endorse something. It doesn’t mean that you think you’re not too good, it just means you know yourself.
I have a really hard time with saying no…but I’m getting better at it.
I do the extroversion-in-large crowds thing, too! I call it “the wall of noise.” And I occasionally fall back on the hiding-behind-stuff strategy. When I tell people I know casually that I’m really an introvert, they don’t believe me. My friends know better. I need my alone time or I get really bitchy. And “normal” is a marketing scam if you ask me. It’s not used to describe how most people actually are, but what somebody else thinks you should be. Bleh.
Look at it this way. Yes, you’re telling them “no,” but it’s really a good lesson for them in finding appropriate places to market their product. You even suggest better options! By saying no, you’re saving this company from an ineffective promotion. So, really, you’re doing them a favor. Yay, you!
It’s like I’m a SAINT!!!!! hahahha.
Yep, I get you. Except I don’t get bitchy (well, sometimes I do) I just get really out of sorts and anxious when I don’t have my down time.
Sorry for the double comments. Computer’s doing stupid shit today.
haha. I deleted the spare. 🙂
It’s always OK to say “Thanks for the opportunity, but I don’t think it’s the right fit.” I finally learned to say it, and that’s why I’ll soon be single again. 🙂
That works in so many different scenarios, doesn’t it?
Also, your page just accused me of being a spambot. Who the fuck does your page think it is, anyway?
Ha! My page is a snotty bitch!!
I am an introvert, but can act extroverted when I am uncomfortable and that makes me feel worse. I worry, a lot, about things beyond my control. I love my family fiercely. I love my friends fiercely. But if you let me down, it is hard for me to find my way back to you. I am a teacher. I am a writer. I am a woman who gets profoundly disappointed by the way humans treat each other. I still stop in awe at a blooming cherry tree or a sky full of cumulus clouds. I am not normal. I don’t want to be normal if normal is hurting others to get ahead, if normal is the all mighty dollar, if normal is putting others down to feel better about myself.
I know who I am. I am just afraid no-one will like me if they know who I am.
holy. hell.
That last line. I live there too.
I almost thought this would be about the nasty way this person reacted to your polite refusal to promote her product. So glad it ended on a happy note! 🙂
Thank you!
I am just me. I can no longer be what people want me to be. So I will be me. That is what I have been telling myself every day for the past few years. I am starting to believe in me now. That is a good thing.
Yes! Believing in yourself is a wonderful thing! At least I suspect it is.
It’s hard as hell but I just tell my self every day if people don’t like who I am fuck them. I know people that do like me. I hang on to that fact. Since I have been doing this I feel a lot less stress in my life. I has helped me grow. It took me 50 (something) years to learn this and I some times fall back into trying to please mode but when I feel the stress starting I pull myself back and let go of the act. I find that people like the real me more then the fake. That helps as well. There is enough stress in my life without making more. So be you unless you are a zombie then don’t be you. I need what brains I have left.
This is awesome! Thank you. And I am not a zombie.
I’ve no idea who I am. I just am and that is often different from one moment to the next. Putting some serious thought into that sounds like a great project for me and one I’ve been skirting around for a few years now. Since my boyfriend and I split up in 2011 I have had it in the back of my being to try to define myself some. I have a terrible tendency to mimic people so for most of my life I was enjoying things other people enjoyed so we would mesh. If a boyfriend liked racing, I did too. If my brother watched football, I did too. I’m still trying to figure out what I actually enjoy outside of the people who influence me. Just me. But it is insanely difficult to separate myself from the need to make others happy and just focus on what makes me happy. Although, perhaps making others happy is one thing that makes me happy. Fuck, I need a therapist.
I think a lot of us need therapist. I think examining your life and your motives is a great place to start. I’ve felt like I don’t have much substance, either…just absorbing other people. Like tofu.
The only time I hear the word normal when it actually seems to mean something is when my doctor says it. And he has a sense of humor about it, otherwise I don’t even think I would find it useful at all. I had a cop tell me once that my behavior wasn’t normal, and I told him you’re pointing a gun at me and telling me MY behavior isn’t normal? It was longer and more complicated than that, but that’s the part I remember best.
Also, this is your little digital acre of real estate and it is yours all yours to curate as you see fit. I, for one, really like the way you run it.
Thank you!
Yeah, how can you behave normally with a gun pointed at you? I mean, unless that is normal for you.
Yes! Normally, I don’t have a semi-automatic handgun pointed at my head by an adrenaline-addled twentysomthing wearing shiny shoes in my fucking living room. Doug the Diplomat managed a far more measured response than that at the time…
So so hard to get to the point of being able to say “I am a writer.” Good on you!
I am still cringing a bit at that…
I am the accidental shit storm starter, especially at work. I’ll try so hard to diffuse situations I think are about to get crazy but I have a way of making things worse and then the shit starts flying. I must be insane too since I keep trying the same thing over and over but then get the same crap results. Go figure.
Haha…I am laughing WITH you…
At least you’re trying?
Saying no is hard! Good for you that you stuck to what you knew instinctively was the right decision. It’s something I battle with every day but I’ve decided it’s better to be true to myself than promote things I don’t believe in. It’s so hard to lose that people pleaser gremlin that lives on the shoulder of so many of us with similar past experiences.
I’d like to knock the little fecker off with a baseball bat!
🙂
ME TOO!!! It’s exhausting trying to please every one.
Fuck it, BE full of yourself 😉 You’re a writer. You are. And you’re awesome.
Not on my writing blog, but on my dog blog, people will send me emails asking me to advertise their stuff. And in a way, I’ve got a bit of the same “Who do you think YOU are?” because….I’m supposed to do this for free? I mean, I get to review stuff, and that’s cool, but that’s quid pro quo Clarice.
Hahaha…okay. I’ll try. I will give it a shot and be full of myself.
I might fail.
It would be interesting for all of us to sit down an actually answer that question. The fact that you thought of it when you wanted to say, ” no” is very interesting. It is not easy for me to say no either, I am a people pleaser. You certainly answered that question and put everything in perspective. I loved this post.
I am so not a team player, either. And I need a shit ton of downtime. And I have learned to say “no” like a freaking boss!
And in terms of questions that get a bad rap? My favorite is “You think pretty highly of yourself, don’t you?”
I sure do! 😉
Hahha! YES! That is another one, isn’t it? It’s a good thing…but designed to make you feel bad. People are weird.
Change that to a good writer.
oh god…I don’t think I’m ready to do that….but thank you. 🙂
I am a writer. A wife. A friend. A student. A daughter. And, if you piss me off enough times, your worst fucking nightmare. Okay, I kind of exaggerate on that last part. Let’s just say I not a nice person when people piss me off or do stupid shit. Isn’t everyone?
And I had some other awesome thing to say in this comment but my mind blanked. Son of a bitch.
I dunno…I think it’s an awesome comment.
Do u know at 51 i still wonder who I am. I mean I am so many things and they change constantly. I’m like all of you -totally fucked up in so many ways but kinda free and happy to say that.
I’m just me and that is good and bad and crazy and kind and compassionate and funny and annoyed and annoying. All of it!
And pretty adorable if I do say so myself.
I LOVE this!
Great question, Michelle. I love your description of self. It’s so honest. I think I’m a writer. I think I deserve happiness, respect, honesty and appreciation when I give love. ooh, I just got all serious.
I was asked by my father last summer “Who are you to tell me anything? You don’t tell me______!!” Um I’m your daughter, sir… It was funny and of course, I can tell him what I think even if he doesn’t agree.
I often get requests to advertise products and things some are related to my subject. There’s never a monetary offer though and quite frankly for me to sit down and think up a blog post for a random product or service, what’s in it for me. I can’t help but ask. I’ve told these people if they want to write a guest post, that’s great (if it’s related). I never hear from them again. They want me to do the work for free. Nah.
Yeah…that’s the other part. I already have to think shit up. Why would I think shit up for my blog so that someone else can make money?
It’s blog posts like these that make me feel “normal” in the non-weird way. I check off so many of the qualities you used to describe yourself. I think I would add a self loathing fatty, food addict to your list and that would be me. I just need to get off my butt and do something about that.
sigh…me too.
Let’s just go ahead and agree that we’re already fabulous…we will just be fabulouser when we get off our asses.
I’m pretty freakin’ awesome. I mean. Sometimes. I mean, I think I am. Sometimes.
I probably would have considered it (particularly if I liked their product). I try to take my own weird spin on product shit so as to amuse my readers, but sometimes, I just need to pay the bills to run my lil bloggy blog. Such is life.
Well..I think you’re awesome.
A good question indeed! I believe I would have done the same…and have! I don’t think it has anything to do with a holier than thou posture either. I think you were looking after your business as any good business owner would do!
Now….if I could just make some money. hahahah
This is timely. I’ve been cleaning the attic and finding high school and college stuff. And I find I’m not who I thought I would be. I’m not who I thought I wanted to be. At one time I didn’t think I would live to be 40, and in a way I didn’t because the person I was died. It happened during a serious bout of depression. He died and I stepped in be cause I look like him and sound like him, but I’m happier, and funnier, and nicer.
No one mourned him when he died, not even me, and I’d been with him our whole lives. I am sorry he died, but I think it was the best thing for both of us.
Thank you for this. You are saying a lot in a few little paragraphs
I don’t know who I think I am. That’s why I’m in therapy.
I should be…my last therapist was…well…odd. Not overly helpful.
So you are saying that if I am at a party and can’t find you, I should check behind the plant? Can and will do! Make sure to find leafy plants as hiding behind a cactus could be painful. As for the “put down” question, of “who do you think you are?” I am glad I never said that to my daughter and that my parents never said it to me. It is designed to pull people down. What is the value in that?
If YOU are at the party then I won’t be hiding. You’re fun.
I consider myself a blogger who is trying to become a writer but wants to make some much-needed money on the way there. I promote things but if I don’t like it or if it isn’t any good I refuse to do. I tell them upfront take it or leave it. Hopefully soon I won’t need to do that. You’re in a book, you are a writer!
Thank you, sister…
As you go through life, who you think you are can change from day to day, and it can be a confusing, scary, and really mess with your head.
But in later years it tends to level out until you start waking up KNOWING who you are and being comfortable in that skin.
And then, if you adorn yourself in the right attitude, you start having fun with it.
Now you wake up with a mischievous smirk on your face and ask “Who do I want to be today?”
It does get more clear as time goes on.
I have no idea… You seem cool though 🙂
I am a gigantic dork. haha.
Shades of grey, baby. The older I get, the more I think ‘normal’ is an illusion.
I am too many things to list, and it’s an imbalanced imperfect list of the good, the bad, and the ugly, but it’s what’s makes me, me. 🙂
Scootch over. I’m awkwardly hiding behind the plant with you, if there’s room.
Come sit by me…we’ll have a ball.
Wow. You just described me to a tee. Funny how it sounds so much better coming from you. 😉
Thank you. 🙂