Who Needs 12 Days Of Christmas? One Isn’t Enough?

W

This song is old and tired. And where the fuck does the 12 days come from? Who celebrates 12 days of Christmas? One is exhausting. Regardless, the holidays are upon us and the year is ending.  I say out with the old and in with the new. So, here we go….the new 12 days of Christmas:

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

A jolt to my PTSD

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Two magic erasers and a jolt to my PTSD

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Three Melissa McCarthy movies, two magic erasers and a jolt to my PTSD

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Four Starbucks gift cards, three Melissa McCarthy movies, two magic erasers and a jolt to my PTSD

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

FIVE extra minutes in the morning!

Four Starbucks gift cards, three Melissa McCarthy movies, two magic erasers and a jolt to my PTSD

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Six eye rolls over coffee, FIVE extra minutes in the morning, four Starbucks gift cards, three Melissa McCarthy movies, two magic erasers and a jolt to my PTSD

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Seven past due notices, Six eye rolls over coffee, FIVE extra minutes in the morning, four Starbucks gift cards, three Melissa McCarthy movies, two magic erasers and a jolt to my PTSD

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Eight baskets of unfolded laundry that may or may not be clean, seven past due notices, six eye rolls over coffee, FIVE extra minutes in the mornings, four Starbucks gift cards, three Melissa McCarthy movies, two magic erasers and a jolt to my PTSD

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Nine reasons to not take out the trash, eight baskets of unfolded laundry that may or may not be clean, seven past due notices, six eye rolls over coffee, FIVE extra minutes in the morning, four Starbucks gift cards, three Melissa McCarthy movies, two magic erasers and a jolt to my PTSD

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave me to me

Ten shoulder’s shrugging, nine reasons to not take out the trash, eight baskets of unfolded laundry that may or may not be clean, seven past due notices, six eye rolls over coffee, FIVE extra minutes in the morning, four Starbucks gift cards, three Melissa McCarthy movies, to magic erasers and a jolt to my PTSD

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me

Eleven heaving sighs, ten shoulder’s shrugging, nine reasons to not take out the trash, eight baskets of unfolded laundry that may or may not be clean, seven past due notices, six eye rolls over coffee, FIVE extra minutes in the morning, four Starbucks gift cards, three Melissa McCarthy movies, two magic erasers and a jolt to my PTSD

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love said to me

Shut the fuck up already. I’m sick of this goddamn song. Go watch TV or something, just PLEASE PLEASE stop singing this stupid song.

My true love has absolutely no Christmas spirit.

Yes, that picture IS my Christmas tree this year. I’m trying very hard to get a shred of Christmas spirit in me. What do you guys do to feel the magic of Christmas? Not the dark Christmas magic that rips your soul out, the other kind.

 

 

About the author

18 comments

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

  • Baking cookies. And any gift wrapping for my family, even if it’s just a box with something like socks in it. And Sinatra.

    So far I’ve done the music part, and it’s only sort of helped, so I’m hoping the cookies will improve things.

    • I will be baking and wrapping tomorrow..tonite I’m taking my baby to a hotel with an indoor water park and having some non-christmas fun

  • I watch holiday specials with my munchkin. Seeing her get into it makes the incessant music and decorations less mind numbing.

  • I watch the Grinch. Original Dr. Seuss version or Jim Carrey version – it doesn’t matter. Since I’m a grouchy introvert, The Grinch’s curmudgeonliness (spell check, don’t tell me that’s not a real word) makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

    Adult beverages also help me feel festive. And I can drink them in my fuzzy PJs while doing my Christmas shopping online, because it’s 2 degrees here and real clothes are just too difficult.

  • hahaha. Michele, we are on the exact same page today. Well. Same page, different improved Christmas Carol. I love 10 Shoulders Shrugging. That’s my fave. Although, I hope the FIVE extra minutes was satisfying for you. Wait. You didn’t mean it that way? This is not that kind of blog? Well, I’ll just go now.
    Oh, on a different note, I’ve often experienced this no Christmas spirit thing. Who wouldn’t? It’s stressful and emotional. But I’ve found there are moments during December when the spirit finds me out of nowhere, and then, Kaboom, my heart is all filled with holiday spirit. It happens:-) Merry Christmas my friend.

  • Up until the age of 16 I would get sick every year at Christmas. 16 was the last year I spent at “home”. I moved out a year later when my mother moved in with the man who would become her 4th ex husband. Instead of my usual cold, flu or tonsillitis, I had made myself really sick by starving myself for a boy who had gone away to university. He had met a girl there but didn’t tell me until just before he came home for the summer. Not many magic Christmases back then. I over compensate now with lots and lots of Christmas decorations and too much food. Of course there’s always alcohol… brings a lovely glow to the coldest of nights (for a little while). Ho ho ho

    • I don’t do a lot of decorations, but my tree is always over the top. I love my Christmas tree..I’m glad your Christmas’s are more magical now, even if it’s partially fueled by booze. 🙂

By Michelle

Michelle

RSIH in your inbox



Categories