Who’s That Behind The Red Chanel Lipstick?

So, I have this friend. We aren’t up each other’s asses or anything, but we stay in pretty close contact. Randy and I have a standing Friday night skype chat with Mountain Girl and her husband, the Bass Player. It’s Friday night Youth Group.

She is who I called after attending a writing conference last weekend. I pretty much just let loose with a 700 word sentence that sounded like “Alan Zwiebel, Lord and Lady Douchebag, Cathy Kinney, The Bloggess, Wendy Liebman, Oh my god I did stand up, agents, pitchapalooza, Wendy Liebman (again), I wish you could have met all the women because you would have loved them, cake.”

I abbreviated a little just now. I was more descriptive when I spoke with Mountain Girl.

This is one thing I love about her: even though she heard the whole conference story, when I talk to her on Friday night, she’s going to hear it again and she will hang on every word. She knows that I am still too keyed up to be finished talking about it.

Mountain Girl tells me the most fascinating stories. Holy shit, I can spend hours hearing her history. No matter what, though, I’m going to hang on her every word as well, and not just the quirky stories. This is what we do. We know when the other person needs to be heard, even when we’ve heard it before. I feel pretty smug about our friendship.

Anyway, Mountain Girl has known me for a handful of years now and she knows that I struggle with being around people. She knew that as excited as I was about attending the Erma Bombeckred chanel lipstick conference that I was also freaking out about how many other humans would be there.

The day my conference started, I got a package in the mail. Mountain Girl sent me a tube of red Chanel lipstick. She said we all need a tube of fabulous lipstick to wear. Some red “fuck you” fabulous lipstick.

I kept her close the entire weekend. I don’t usually wear red lipstick, but I did last weekend. I wore it light because I don’t usually wear a lot of color, but I did wear it. My lipstick was my mask. It reminded me that even when I’m scared, I have people who prop me up and understand me.

Randy came to watch me perform stand up and I left my bag with him. 10 minutes before the show, I was running through my four minute set in my head.

Nick and Nora

Hot sauce

Three out of four

dead lion

Then I remembered. My lipstick. No way I could get on stage without my lipstick.

I scooted in between tables in the dark banquet room to where Randy was sitting. I dug my red Chanel lipstick out of my bag and put some on without the benefit of a mirror. One of my new friends, who was sitting with Randy, checked my teeth for me and I was on my way.

I’m not saying my red lipstick got me through my stand up, but it sure as fuck didn’t hurt.

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Add your comments below. Profanity is encouraged, but not required. ;)
  1. Karin says:

    What a great friend! Reminded me of the Chanel concealer I got from the mother of an ex; itΒ΄s been maybe five years but IΒ΄m still using it (I almost donΒ΄t wear makeup so it lasts ages) and it is perfect πŸ™‚ ThatΒ΄s about the only time I think of my ex haha.

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      She is an awesome friend…and good makeup is good makeup. It is one of the things I will splurge on. Not lipstick though. But I have that going for me now. Haha.

      Reply
  2. KK says:

    Ha I need a friend like that.
    I babble when I’m keyed up too, my cat just looks at me oddly, pretty much like people do!

    πŸ™‚

    Reply
  3. Friends like that are definite keepers! As I get older, it’s harder to find someone who isnt so wrapped up in their own little worlds that they can’t take the time to listen to my stories.

    Reply
  4. Great friend, great story, great lipstick! You made a really good point. Makeup can very much be a mask and aid to just getting through tough stuff. That’s why I get nudgy when people talk about being “natural.” Yay Chanel lipstick!

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      I love makeup. I don’t take the time with it that I used to, but I still do sometimes. I don’t feel right without it and I am totally cool with that.

      Reply
  5. Sue says:

    Everyone needs a friend who understands what they need, when they need it. I’m glad you have that. And I would have run back for the lipstick too. A good luck talisman is not to be disregarded.

    Reply
  6. Mila says:

    I don’t know about lipstick but this phrase will haunt me forever ‘We aren’t up each other’s asses or anything’
    AHAHAHAHAH

    Reply
  7. Terri Lee says:

    Cherish the friends like that! They are rare! One in a billion! This reminded me of the “friend” I had whom I decided to place my trust in and tell her about the anxiety I had always suffered from. I was pouring my heart out to her over the phone and she suddenly laughed, causing me to become confused and stop talking. I wasn’t sure what was going on. Then, she said, “I had forgotten how funny I Love Lucy really is!” It dawned on me that while I was finally taking a risk and pouring my heart out about my struggles, she was watching an old I Love Lucy rerun. That friendship was never the same again. I was polite and civil, but that was about it. So, when you have a friend who listens to you—REALLY listens—and they love you for who you are, do NOT let them get away! EVER! Track them down, stick a GPS amongst their personal belongings! HAHA! Okay, I kid with that one! πŸ˜€

    I’m so happy for you though that you had such a great time at the workshop, along with having an amazing support system! XO

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      I actually kind of want to punch your “friend” in the face. How awful and disheartening for you. πŸ™

      Reply
      • Terri Lee says:

        Well, she moved away and years later, I heard that she had passed away, so the punching is out of the question. She actually taught me a valuable lesson that day. Not that I should never open up to anyone ever again, but that I should find a better circle of friends! I learned from it, so it isn’t all bad. πŸ™‚ Thank you for WANTING to punch her though! Friends who would commit violence on my behalf are always at the top of my list as best….friends….ever! HAHA!

        Reply
    • Kate says:

      Aw, Terri Lee, that sucks. Perhaps your “friend” was of the variety that cannot handle authenticity and emotion. I have shed a few friends along the way for similar reasons.
      No real angst in ferreting out the true from the seasonal friends, as the seasonal friends just play a different role in your life. In this case, your “friend” helped you understand that she couldn’t give you what you needed from her, and you moved on.

      Reply
    • Lisa K says:

      Where do you want your GPS mounted? I found a cool one that looks like an earring…
      πŸ™‚

      Reply
      • Lisa K says:

        George, for you πŸ™‚

        …Sorry Kate…unless you want a GPS, too… my comment slipped low πŸ™‚

        Reply
  8. I’m the NEW friend!! I feel honored that you mentioned me. You looked fabulous and you kicked ass on stage!

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    • Michelle says:

      You ARE a new friend! And thank you!

      Reply
      • I hope to stick around and make it to old friend. πŸ™‚

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        • Michelle says:

          How about we just go ahead and decide that is how it will be.

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          • Lisa K says:

            How COOL!!! Lisa R. Petty! And you met RANDY!!! (I would have asked you to tell him ‘Hi’ from a ‘Lisa’ πŸ™‚ )

        • Randy says:

          Yeah, Lisa K. Not only did Lisa R meet me, she got to experience my inane prattle and bad jokes. Well, at least I’m still alive.

          Reply
          • Lisa K says:

            Keeping Michelle ‘together’ and ‘on cue’ requires much inane prattle and many bad jokes, I’ll bet!
            It’s a required skill in your world and you must be the BEST!
            :):):)
            What with still being alive and all πŸ˜‰
            I’m just so happy that Michelle’s event turned out so well and so fulfilling for her in ways she didn’t even see coming and that her ‘best’ people were able to be there with and for her!
            (I just LOVE it when you pop in! πŸ™‚ )

  9. Kate says:

    Kudos to Michelle and Chanel and solid gold friends!

    Reply
  10. Kim says:

    How fucking awesome is it that I’m seeing it’s Lisa just above my comment?! Um, very, amirite?

    I love seeing the encouragement and support going on here. Makes me all happy and giddy. You ladies rock!

    Reply
  11. What a great friend! I have some of those and they are terrific! where would we be without them

    Reply
  12. Even though you don’t normally wear lipstick Mountain Girl knew you didn’t just need lipstick she knew you needed red lipstick. She knew that sometimes you need to hide behind a mask to show your true face.
    Yeah, that’s one fantastic friend.

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      She really is and yes, she knew EXACTLY what I need. She is awesome because she’ll pull me back to reality if my brain goes off to strange and awful places.

      Reply
  13. Red Lipstick – Girl Armor of the highest order! Great post.

    Reply
  14. I need to venture out of my house enough to find a friend like that.

    Reply
  15. susan hoffman says:

    I read a lot of your posts and always get a great kick from the the stories but frankly it’s the language and the voice that keeps me coming back. This one prompted me to comment because it made me happy. I also have a friend like this and the two of us feel that, propping each other up, we can conquer the world even though we are timid reclusive bystanders in real life.
    But having read yours (and some other fabulously funny blogs) I have ventured out to creat my own new tumblr account. Check it out: http://www.tumblr.com/blog/bonbonsinthebathtub

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      Thank you so much! And thank you for the link! I am looking forward to checking it out. I never go on tumblr, so this will be a learning opportunity.

      Reply
  16. A great friend like that is the best thing to have, between the lipstick and you mascara you are good to go!

    Reply
  17. Ah, what a good friend you have in Mountain Mama! Red lipstick is just the thing. I’m often too hesitant to wear it because I don’t want to stand out. For you? Rockin’ it up on stage it sounds like the perfect accessory!

    Reply
  18. Doug in Oakland says:

    From an ’80s band called Shriekback:

    The best kind of friend is like iron sharpening iron
    From only its claw we may judge of the lion
    Truth hurts but it stands I cannot tell a lie
    That was our wisdom
    The reptiles and I…

    I don’t know what it was about your story that made me think of that lyric, but before I knew what I was doing I had another tab open and I was copying it in, so there it is and I hope you like it.

    Reply
  19. Christina says:

    Your friend sounds amazing! She is so right, we should all embrace the red lipstick!!

    Reply
  20. Haralee says:

    What a great friend! I’ve used a Chanel for years but then the color is not made any longer. Using a nubbin and as I reapplied an in-law relative asked to borrow it and I had to say “No”, it is a discontinued color Channel. They didn’t get it !
    Glad your friend gets you.

    Reply
  21. This has inspired me to be a “Red Lipstick” friend to someone in my life right now πŸ™‚
    May we have Red Lipstick friends. May we be them.

    Reply
  22. Me says:

    You are right – we all need that one friend – so glad you have found yours !!
    I’m going to remember this and hopefully I can be a red lipstick friend to someone.
    Have a wonderful evening and the best weekend when it gets to you xox

    Reply
  23. Lisa K says:

    I’m going to stick with being your ‘Blog Crush.’

    πŸ™‚

    The ‘little’ things we do for other people have a way of ‘blossoming’ and ‘growing’ til it isn’t a ‘little’ thing anymore. It became huge… life-saving to that person who received our best intention through our humble offering.

    Good thing Red Chanel is NEVER humble! I love how your good friend knew how to bring out the Rage-M in you for Show-Time πŸ™‚

    I am curious. Do you remember any of it? My life-preservation geared brain erases all my best moments of public performance. Or so I’m told. I can never remember anything past the, “Please welcome….”

    *raises coffee cup in cheers position*

    “To Rage-M, Red Chanel lipstick and punching bad people in the face when they are mean to our friends!”

    *slurps coffee*

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      I do remember it a little. Not much, though. I know people laughed, but I don’t remember hearing it. I am looking forward to seeing the video.

      Reply
      • Lisa K says:

        I CAN’T wait to see the video!!!!

        I can’t wait to read the comments on YouTube after everybody watches it πŸ™‚
        I read to my oldest son the part about Joey’s ‘sensitivity’ and he totally identified with the ‘whoops, Mama.’
        Laughed his ass off.

        I still think Randy should figure out how to Skype-style broadcast it so we can all watch together….

        (Now that I KNOW he’s really here πŸ™‚ )

        Reply
  24. I love this story! I love red lipstick, too and will wear it at BAM this week in your honor!

    Reply