WTF, Buzzfeed?

I stopped using shampoo about a year ago.

It was just an experiment. I didn’t think I’d give it up permanently and stick with the baking soda and vinegar treatment, but I have and I like it. I still use conditioner, and occasionally use a lather free shampoo, but mostly, it’s just baking soda for cleaning my hair.

But I couldn’t leave well enough alone, could I?

I already trusted people I don’t know at all on Pinterest to convince me to stop using shampoo. I decided to take that a step further and put my hair into Buzzfeed’s hands.

I love Buzzfeed articles. They’re not long and they have pictures. If I had to pick between 10 Buzzfeed articles and 1 Psychology Today article, I’m going with Buzzfeed every time. It requires very few brain cells and I don’t have many to spare.

Anyway, I read a Buzzfeed article that listed 24 ways to use coffee grounds. One of the ways was to use it to wash your hair.

Hey, that’s a great idea! I’ll add coffee grounds to my baking soda! It will be great! 

I didn’t read the directions on how much coffee grounds to use or anything. Reading directions is for pussies. I just dumped a whole morning’s worth into a mug with my baking soda and some water and dumped it on my head.

I knew immediately that I made a mistake.

First of all, my scalp felt like I had been at the beach all day dumping buckets of sand on my head.

It was not good to the last drop.

Coffee grounds, apparently, work like magnets when it comes in contact with skin. You cannot wash that shit off. I looked down and was covered in black specks. I panicked at first and had a slapping ‘get them off me’ moment. I knew it was just coffee grounds, but still, it looked like bugs. I took a deep breath (which smelled like Waffle House and dandruff shampoo) and started picking coffee grounds out of my hair. I had coffee grounds behind my ears. I had coffee grounds in my ears. I had coffee grounds in my armpits, under my boobs and in other…crevices.

It looked like my shower had been visited by the coffee fairy’s evil cousin. A coffee grenade had been detonated in my shower. The floor, the walls, the shower door..all covered in coffee grounds. You know, it doesn’t look like much in the filter. Trust me though, a filter full of coffee can cover a lot of ground. And Juan Valdez can kiss my ass.

I spent thirty minutes picking coffee grounds off my person and swishing them down the drain. Then I had to deal with cleaning the swarm of coffee bugs out of the shower. I have no idea if I’m going to have clogged drain issues or not. So far it seems okay. Randy should appreciate it, though, because no matter what clogs any drain in our house from now until I finally accidentally burn it down, he’ll be able to blame me and the coffee grounds.

I finally made it out of the shower and walked into the bedroom where Randy was watching TV.

Me: Fucking hell. What a mistake that was.

Randy: What did you do?

Me: I washed my hair with coffee grounds.

Randy: What the fuck? Who told you to do that?

Me: Ummm, Buzzfeed. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, the ridiculousness of it crashed all around me. 

He didn’t respond. He just rolled his eyes and shook his head the way I see him do at least once a day. I think he muttered something about just going back to shampoo, but he says that a lot. He hates the smell of vinegar.

I think I’m going to have to change the tagline on my blog to: Doing dumb things since the sixties so that you don’t have to.

Fuck you, Buzzfeed.

 

 

 

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95 comments

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  • Yikes! And I thought black hair dye was the devil when it comes to messes!

    I’m sure everything smelled great afterwards, right?

    (conditioner washing is wonderful for coarse hair, it’s saved my sanity)

      • I finally have it worked out to where it isn’t as much of a mess, but it took several tries to get there.

        Reading down at all the comments from the non-shampooers, I am going to chime in here and say I use cheap Suave conditioner with a “deep clean” every few weeks.

  • Sharing this with my sister in law. We had the baking soda and vinegar conversation not long ago… She’ll love this.
    Also, thanks for warning me off about the coffee. I’ve considered it because it smells so much better than fermented apples…

    • I love the baking soda and vinegar solution. It’s cheaper and my hair isn’t as dry. The vinegar makes it REALLY shiny..I only do that about once a week.

  • You just made my day! I tried to exfoliate with coffee grounds once. ONCE. I swear there are still grounds in my bits. We have plumbers here today tearing apart all our plumbing and I hope my mistake isn’t noticed…

    • Oh god..let me know if they find coffee grounds…then I’ll know what to expect. Yeah, that article mentioned it for exfoliation as well. It’s crazy how it sticks to you, right? That was horrible.

  • i’m currently going through a chapter of hair hell. i’m now 4 months into not coloring my hair any more. so i spend an excessive amount of time on hair related things such as this whole ‘no-poo’ business. which let me just say that fucking name makes me stabby!!!
    it makes me not want to do it just because some douchebag thought it would be cute to name it that.
    ohhhhkay i feel better getting that out.
    so i will take this non-shampooing vinegar/baking soda thing has been good if you’re still doing it after 1 yr.

    the coffee grounds made me laugh because i will do shit like that. a lot.
    a few weeks ago got all caught up into the DIY pinterest thing and i made a batch of homemade ‘deep conditioning’ treatment with olive oil and honey.
    WHATTTTA FUCKING MESS.
    i had fruit flies dive bombing my head for the honey. just bad. bad.
    epic fail.

    • HAHAHHA…Okay, I feel a little better.

      I stopped coloring my hair a year ago as well. I am letting the gray take it’s course. It’s not bad, it’s like highlights. Or that’s what I tell myself.

      Yeah, the ‘no poo’ thing was annoying. But I don’t mind the baking soda. I add about 5 drops of lemon essential oil to it as well for scent.

      • hahahahaha!!!! ‘highlights’ it’s what i tell myself!

        ohhh good idea with the lemon! i was thinking lavender oil would be nice.
        i make my cleaning products with vinegar. i use lavender + peppermint oil to scent them + the natural antibacterial properties.

  • My husband just asked what I was laughing at. Um…no real way to explain this one, dear. “Just a woman who used coffee grounds to wash her hair, because Buzzfeed told her to.” Yeah, the expression on his face was totally worth it. So your suffering was not in vain.

  • Wow… I did the no-poo thing for a while but I used that mud stuff from Terressentials. Didn’t think I’d like the homemade stuff. Too much work.

    Someone I used to work with told me that coffee grinds are good for the drain. No idea if that’s even true…

    • Oh wow! I hope so! It’s not so good for hair, though. The homemade stuff is simple..a few tablespoons of baking soda in hot water. A few drops of lemon essential oil. No coffee grounds.

  • Being a generally nontrusting sort I’m surprised by what I’ll try based on one random post on Facebook (like the whole oil pulling thing). Sometimes you hit on something that works…sometimes not so much. Thanks for the “heads up” on this one- I love the smell of coffee so would’ve been bound to try it. Now I’m debating the merits of using lemons for deodorant (caught that one on Dr. Oz the other day).

  • Ha! I got a Christmas present once of honey bath products, one of which was a bath bomb with real honey! Smelled great, very relaxing bath – right up to the point where I realized I’d be spending the rest of the night scrubbing honey residue off of the tub. Does no one test these things out before selling them??

    I haven’t had quite the coffee problem you did, but those “gardeners’ soaps” with coffee grounds? Yeah, same issue, just on a smaller scale!

    • There’s a store near me that makes bath bombs with loose glitter in them. I walked in there once, saw the glitter bombs, and walked calmly back out, but what I really wanted to do was run up to the staff and yell, “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! Glitter is the herpes of the craft world, IT NEVER GOES AWAY. Why are you trying to give my bathtub craft herpes?”

  • My hair just wouldn’t let me get away with that
    >
    It’s taken me most of my life to work out how to handle it and the right kind of stuff to use, (definitely not high street products), so I don’t think I’d change that now. Kudos to you for sticking at it and making it work, coffee grounds aside, which is too funny.
    I must admit I have never seen a tip on Buzzfeed I’d risk and you’ve just confirmed that for me.
    Still, you got to give the shower a good old scrub
    🙂

  • Sorry! Though thank you for the good laugh this morning. I, too, have been guilty of following Buzzfeed’s misguided advice

  • Ha, I loved this! I remember your previous post about using baking soda and apple cider vinegar, and I have done that as well. It has not been a year but I really like it so far, and good for you for sticking to it! I have also stopped coloring my hair, and I totally agree, the gray looks like highlights! In my mind I picture Bonnie Raitt. 😀

    I also switched to homemade deodorant because store-bought ones were not working and I hated the idea of all the chemicals I was putting on my lymph nodes. I found a receipe of arrowroot powder, baking soda, coconut oil and a few drops of peppermint oil. I LOVE this solution and have been doing this for probably 6 months.

    And THANK YOU for trying the coffee ground idea so we don’t have to! 🙂

      • Absolutely! The recipe I used said “a few drops of your favorite essential oil…” I should have mentioned that.

        Next batch I am going to try lavender, because I am on a lavender kick lately. 🙂

    • I only miss it when I’m out of the non lathering kind and don’t feel like mixing up baking soda and water.

      And you should check out buzzfeed..they do have some entertaining articles that are very quick reads.

  • No one here uses shampoo bars?

    I tried the whole no-poo thing maybe three times – hated the grit, hated the vinegar, hated that it was cold and felt awful. Started using a shampoo bar and haven’t looked back these last 7 years or so. No weird adjustment period, either.

    Of course, once you start buying shampoo bars and adding up the cost you will be inspired to make your own, which will lead you down a slippery rabbit hole slope into all sorts of strange places…

    • I have not used shampoo bars.. and hubs hates the vinegar, too. Hates it. I don’t mind the smell at all.

      It does take some getting used to..that’s for sure.

      I’m going to have to look into this shampoo bar business…making my own..hmmmmmm….

      • Shampoo bars are fabulous! I can send you one to try if you like – finished a batch a few weeks ago and they’re ready to use. It’s surprisingly easy to whip up a year’s supply and costs maybe $5.00 per batch. They make great Holiday gifts, too 🙂

  • Oh….girl…this sounds like something that would happen to me!

    I have said, “Well, THAT didn’t go as expected” more times than I can count, and I’ve never even looked at Buzzfeed… I also strictly avoid Pinterest ideas, because my level of klutz combined with some of those ideas could just be..dangerous.

    Thanks for the laugh first thing this morning.

  • This is amazing. You totally did the right thing, because reading directions is for pussies! I mean, you write, so how can you be expected to read?! Geez people have such high expectations!

  • Thank you for trying this out so I don’t have too! Only you can take something like a coffee ground hair washing experiment gone awry and turn it into my morning laugh! Now you can try the old “mayonnaise in the hair to make it shiny” one out. Or don’t. No really, don’t.

  • It’s kinda bizarre that anyone would do something suggested by something called “BuzzFeed” – and yet most of us have. Ironically, I saw an article on a site called Earthlings Handbook about things NOT TO DO and washing your hair with coffee grounds seems to be the big one. But I doubt I would have heeded the warning . . . I’m not sure I am an earthling!

  • I actually have a policy never to do anything health and beauty-related that I see on Pinterest. But print it in a magazine, and it’s fucking gospel. I switched to a shampoo and conditioner recommended in some rag or other, and I now have a VERY ITCHY RASH to show for it, because I am apparently allergic to something in the conditioner. I’ve been itching for three weeks straight, and even the steroids the doctor put me on were only partially successful. I have another appointment tomorrow morning. But at least I didn’t have to tell him I washed my hair with coffee grounds, and that’s why I’m in his office. So there’s that, I guess.

  • Hey, as long as none of us have ever tried to charge our cell phones in the microwave, we are still smarter than some people!

  • Oh. My. God. I am just literally DYING with laughter here over the “coffee bugs” ha ha ha!!! I do all that stupid stuff too … but I drew the line when I saw that coffee grounds trick. I wasn’t about to go that far … glad I didn’t lmao!!!!

  • I got a few coffee grounds in my hair once… A waitress threw them at me in retaliation for some sunflower seeds that got in her hair while she was walking through my kitchen. All I have to say is don’t get them in your eye if you wear contact lenses.

  • Hmm…according to BuzzFeed, coffee grounds also make good Deodorizing Soap. After reading your post, I just might stay far away from this too.

  • Laughing so hard that I am crying. And hoping the guys at work don’ notice. Although they would appreciate the humor of coffee ground shampoo.

  • I was laughing when I read “I’ll add coffee grinds to my baking soda” – I could just see where you were going to land up – and, sorry to say, you landed up even worse than I had imagined !!!!! Coffee grinds are the pits to get rid of. I’d be interested to see what the actual instructions were for how you should have used them !!!
    I suppose at least you wouldn’t go around smelling like a cup of coffee mixed in with the ACV !!!!
    Have the BEST weekend !
    Me

    • Yeah, it was pretty bad.

      And you have a great weekend too my sister on the other side of the world!! We have out of town family staying with us so it’s gonna be great..my granddaughter and stepdaughter are already here. Yay!

  • Well I guess since vinegar has been getting all the attention lately (I actually do a cranberry & vinegar drink “shot” every morning), coffee wanted to get in on the action. And the husbands’ reactions to the wives’ latest antics are always priceless. I know I’ll never attempt another home bikini wax.

  • “ugh” that is my inner dialog whenever my wife says that she was reading something on the internet that she wants to try. I am not sure the baking soda/vinegar thing has come up yet. Luckily, I keep my head shaved so I wouldn’t have to participate if she decided to. The smell of vinegar lowers my quality of life. I try to be supportive, but we have all sorts of varieties of homemade soaps and cleaners that are slowly becoming unused cement under our sinks. Once I told her that the internet might be playing tricks on her just to see if she will try it and she is letting them win. haha. Seriously though, it is good to try these things every once in a while, because even if they fail they make for wonderful stories. “swarm of coffee bugs”… terrifying.

  • It’s funny, I saw that Buzzfeed thing too (or A Buzzfeed thing about putting coffee grounds in your hair, anyway. Maybe it was “Bullshit Amazing Uses to Use Used Coffee Grounds You’ll Never Guess What Happens Next” or something). I haven’t tried it, though; if I did it, I’d only have a reusable K-cup full of espresso grounds to use. Far less sandy (though that metaphor was more than adequate; as a beach girl, I understand).

  • So, so funny! My hubby rolls his eyes at me all the time for the things I find on the internet. Who knew coffee would make such a mess? Glad you discovered it for us :)!

  • I bought some coffee grounds body scrub from a friend once. It smelled great, and I liked to think it helped to wake me up in the morning, but I quickly learned that coffee grounds and shower drains are not a good mix. I guess I’ll just have to have dull skin for the time being.

    • I am not real precise…a quarter cup of baking soda to 3 quarters cup of warm water. Work that through your hair and let sit for 2 minutes or so. I rinse with a mix of apple cider vinegar and water about once a week. Also, a few drops of lemon essential oil is nice in the baking soda mix

By Michelle

Michelle

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