Talking With Weird Friends Means Your Brain Gets To Wear Yoga Pants


I told you guys I was going to start saving the instant message conversations between me and my work friend, Priscilla, Queen of the Cubicle.

It’s a real pain in the ass to cut and paste these conversations. There has to be an easier way to do it than I am. Good thing I work in IT.

HAHAHAH. I know ONE antiquated programming language. I’m not an expert in any other IT area. I am a step or two above the users who have issues that can only be explained by head trauma, but still, not an IT expert. I’ll have to ask one of the guys for help and risk them giving me shit about not knowing how to do something. Little fuckheads.

Anyway, I digress. Here is the next volume in the PQOTC series. These conversations are in no way related to each other. Don’t try, it would probably trigger a migraine, even if you don’t get them.


Me:  Have you seen the ‘between the ferns’ videos with Zach Galifankiouszlidoe? I have no idea how to spell his name.

PQOTC: BAHAHAH. No. I think you spelled it right.


Me: I thought yesterday was Thursday. I refuse to work two Thursdays in a row. We are renaming today to ‘Not Friday’.

PQOTC: OMG I thought the same thing yesterday.

Me: Our brains are in cahoots.

Me: Yes, I said cahoots.

PQOTC: hahahah. At least I know what that is. I mean, not the exact definition, but I understand it.

Me: I don’t know the origin either. I have no idea what a cahoot is.

PQOTC: Sounds like it could be dirty.

Me: My cahoot hurts

PQOTC: From now on, that is definitely a dirty word.


PQOTC: I have the hiccups and they’re really loud.

PQOTC: I’m trying to eat broken tacos and I’m going to choke with my hiccups.

Me: hold your breath

PQOTC: ok. I couldn’t before because I was eating. I think they’re gone now.

PQOTC: What are hiccups?

Me: I don’t know. Air getting trapped or something?

PQOTC: I googled. They’re caused by a sudden closing of your glottis. That sounds alien. MY GLOTTIS HURTS

Me: someone stole my glottis and left me in a hotel room bathtub.


Until next time…




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By Michelle


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