It’s my birthday, too!
A few days ago, Randy said “Hey, I need to get you something for your birthday on Saturday.”
I told him not to worry about it. I was happy that we were going to the mountains for 48 hours of relaxing and imbibing.
Randy: You say that, but you don’t mean it. You want a present.
Me: No. I really don’t. I’m good.
And I am.
This is kind of new. I mean, I wasn’t going to lose my shit over presents, but a simple present that had a little thought put into it was all I asked. It didn’t have to be expensive, but god help Randy if he bought me a gift card or an appliance. Unless, I specifically asked for a gift card or an appliance.
I am not saying I don’t like presents. I love them. But I’m not going to be butthurt over a lack of presents.
So, I thought about this. And I do have a request.
A birthday present from you to me. Be nice for no reason to one person today.
This is going to feel abrupt, but hang on. I have a point. It just took me a ridiculously long time to correctly spell “abrupt”. 
I had to google it.
Anyway, I know this dude. He’s a good person with a normal job, but like so many people, one job doesn’t cut it. So, he delivers pizzas in the evening.
He told me he delivered pizzas to some bona fide rich people. These rich people had rich friends in their rich living room. When my friend got there, they were struggling to find bills small enough to pay for their food. The guy who answered the door asked his guests if any of them had some singles.
One guest laughed and said “What’s a single?”
Which made the other guests laugh.
From this anecdote, I learned a few things: these particular rich people were privileged, insensitive, and have a shit sense of humor.
Who makes a joke about money in front an adult delivering food to them who is obviously delivering food to make ends meet? Did these people even consider that? If they did, did they dismiss it as not important?
Anyway, the rich people scrounged up enough to pay for the food. They stiffed him on the tip, though. Fucking assholes.
I thought about that story for a few days and felt so hopeless and angry. Why are people so horrible? Why can’t everyone be kind and considerate. I know we are all going to step on some toes from time to time, but fucking hell, they had to know what douche twizzles they were being, right? And if not? Man, we need to work on checking our privilege.
So, this is why I am asking you for my present.
Instead of continuing to feel bad about people behaving like entitled twat monsters, maybe, it would feel better to encourage people to behave in the opposite way.
Say something nice to someone. Go out of your way to be friendly. Be the opposite of the rich pizza people.
I will too.
When you read this, Randy and I will be in the car, zooming south. I am going to make it a point to be friendly to people on our stops along the way. I’ll just try to be less awkward than I was the last time I attempted this.
Happy Birthday!!
Best. Present. Ever.
And now I know how to word it when I tell people, “No fucking gifts, Dammit.”
You’re way is MUCH better 😀
Have the best birthday, Luv 🙂
May you receive the joy and delight and happy, that you share so unselfishly, multiplied back-atcha by millions <3
Thank you so much! XOXOX
Happy birthday, Michelle! What a great story, and wonderful idea.
Thank you!! Xoxo
YES! THIS!
Happy birthday you awesome thing! (yes, apparently I’m addicted to exclamation points).
Hahaha… They are addictive!!!!
I will try, I really will. Maybe there is an overabundance of douche twizzles (love that) in my neck of the woods, or I am magnetically drawn to observing them, but I will try. I try on other days, often succeeding but the glow is dimmed by the triumphant and condescending looks that sometimes follow my nice comment or pulled figurative punch. Drumpf has entitled the assholes now, and some days they are stronger.
But today I’ll give it a go. Hope your birthday is filled with fun and food and laughs and love, and short-term political amnesia. 🙂
Amen on the amnesia!! Just for a few days.
MICHELLE l! Issa my birtday, too.
No, really. For some reason, I am so inordinately pleased we share a birthday.
Ok, I will stop fangirling now and go read the rest of your piece.
BIRTHDAY SISTER!!!!! XXXOOO
Happy Birthday! So close . . . my birthday is tomorrow. Dregs of February birthday girls unite! Enjoy your day!
Happy almost birthday!!!!
Happy Happy Birthday to you. I hope your mini vacation in the mountains is a great time. My word for the year is kindness so I have been trying to do this every day if possible.
Thank you! We always have a great time here
I did mine yesterday – I saw a guy with a sign asking for food, diapers, anything to help his family. I had bought one of those delicious rotisserie chickens for our dinner. We had soup. His family had a chicken.
Happy birthday Michelle!
Omg I love this. Xoxo
It’s been harder for me to think in positive and nice terms lately, but I’ll try a new tactic. Since Hillary won the POPULAR vote, I will assume there are more of US than there are of THEM and the reason THEY get so much attention is because hateful actions are more likely to make news than loving actions. I try to live my life exactly the way you describe, being nice and caring about people. From the sound of those douche bags (twizzles sounds too cute for the likes of them), I prefer to think of them living beyond their means, with a reality check looming right around the corner. It could happen!
I hope you have a very, very happy birthday!!! Hello to Mountain Girl and Bass Player!! Have a wonderful weekend! XO
It certainly isn’t easy… And we are in Tennessee. About an hour away. Yay!!
Happy Birthday dear. My birthday is next week – I will definitely try to adopt this philosophy but I do love me a gift card or two.
Enjoy your lovely weekend with a clear mind and cheerful heart.
❤
Thank you and happy early birthday!!!
A most Happy Birthday to you! Think of the cake waiting for you! I know Dude goes everywhere with you, but what are you doing with Alfie? This is your first trip since you got him, isn’t it? If you’re taking him with you (heh heh – oh, excuse me), then you’re in for a really long trip.
Dude is with us! Alfie is home with joey…
I think this counts….went to McDonalds in a frazzled state to get a special order mcmuffin for the moody teen who is at a sports tournament and hungry but doesnt know what she wants to eat. In my rushed and frazzled state I bungled the special order. When I went back in to fix it, I made a point to tell the clerk who helped me and the manager that the error was mine not hers.
Happy Birthday Michelle.
That totally counts!!
Happy Birthday. Wishing you a great great birthday weekend!
Very sweet request and I will be sweetness itself all dayan your honor but this evening all bets are off!
Haha. Close enough!!
Happy birthday!
And here is something I will never do: stiff someone on a tip. This comes from my summer working in a restaurant and learning that the waiters and waitresses didn’t even make minimum wage because some rich assholes had passed a law that said “of course for people in that profession tips will more than make up the difference”.
So I always tip.
I’ll do something else nice for someone today…to make up the difference.
Happy Birthday, Michelle!
I google words all the time. Like an idiot, I made a character in my book psychotic. I’ve googled it so often, I’m pretty sure google is just going to open on that page without me even typing the p.
Enjoy your trip. We are going out for dinner and I promise to adequately tip, be extra nice, and raise a glass for your day.
Those rich people are total douchenuggets.
Briana: Oh no, I forgot to get you something for your birthday!
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Me: No, silly, we went to Neko Case for my birthday, and yours also.
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Briana: But I didn’t get you the ticket, Brenda did.
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Me: Sure, but you drove the car, and put up with me hobbling around in the Fox Theater, and having to use the bathroom three times, and besides, this is turning into a tradition.
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Briana: How so?
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Me: Last year for my birthday I went to Sonoma and saw The Joy Formidable, after seven years of no rock concerts. So it’s kind of a big deal, when you look at it that way.
–
I always tip. I worked in restaurants for ten years, so I know that tipping is the right thing to do. Sometimes when you tip people who don’t get many tips, you can make their whole day with one US dollar. Also, slipping the occasional five to the person who makes your burritos will almost always raise the quality of said burritos.
When I was managing Tumbleweed, a natural foods wholesaler/distributor, and the business was already in decline, the new owner responsible for that decline hired some undocumented kids for less than minimum wage. One of them was horrible, and was fired for repeatedly running stop signs in the delivery truck. He was the son of a wealthy man with an undocumented mistress. Another kid he hired was Eduardo, and Eduardo was like a gift from heaven, He didn’t speak good English, but it was passable, and because of that he tried really hard to compensate by figuring things out and just doing what needed to be done. The result of that to me was that my hundred-hour weeks shrunk down to more manageable eighty hour weeks. I sort of loved Eduardo.
So one day I was hanging out at home on my day off with Briana, and we ordered a pizza, sort of a splurge for us, but with all those hours I could afford it.
The knock came at the door, and there with our pizza was Eduardo. I tipped him a twenty, and that felt kinda weird, because we both knew where I got it and how much less he was getting. He still gave us a mile-wide grin, and I look at it as one of the best twenties I have ever spent.
So I will make a point to try to be nice to someone who probably needs it in honor of your birthday. I’ll tell you how it goes. Have a blast in Tennessee.
I LOVE that story so much! We just got home. We had a great time and it felt like it lasted about 5 minutes
Happy birthday! I promise i will give you the gift as you asked.
Yay!! Thank you!!!
Have a lovely birthday lady.
I thanked my ex for doing something normal coparents should do but he never does (until today).
You’re welcome.
GO YOU~!! 🙂
This killed me. I remember one day at our local supermarket (well, one of the 20 or so), the heavens opened & it bucketed down with rain. It was summer (of course, I am in the UK) so people were in t-shirts, flip-flops etc. One guy was pushing a fairy full trolly & holding his little baby. He was stuck because neither he nor his little one were dressed for rain! So, I thought I would be nice & offer to carry his baby for him to his car while he pushed the trolley. Oh god – am I stupid or what?? The look on his face said it all. I must’ve looked like some mad crazy baby kidnapper. Why, why, why didn’t I just offer to push the damn trolley???
HAHAAHAH…that is awesome
I just dreamt that I met Norman Reedus and got him to write a birthday card for you.
Happy Birthday, Michelle, and many happy returns.
Hope you had a great weekend in the mountains.
Kindness is so underrated- kindness is not a competition. Nor do you have to be a supermodel with a PhD and a six or eight figure salary to be kind. So I suppose to most people- what’t the point?
Imagine though if we made it into a competition? Maybe we could con narc- types into being kind by raising the status of Kindness into a super-hyper-competitive pursuit?
Just a random thought.
I think it’s a great idea! And thank you!!!!
Happy birthday ! Late! I was silly happy reading your hysterical Things You Shouldn’t Wear After 50. So I wanted more and signed up with my email. Then I’m reading more and **Gasp** What?! Your birthday is 2/25 too! Awesome! Nice to find you birthday buddy!
YAY!! Birthday buddy! I am so glad you are here. xoxoxoxoxox